Never Let Them See You Dumb.

Your friendly Encyclopedia Show Austin Fact Checker here with some helpful tips and hints about this month’s topic. You’re welcome in advance.

Fact: The coldest places on the globe have the blandest food, while the spiciest food comes from regions that might as well be a steam room.  Ever wonder why?  It’s not because of a death wish–it’s actually quite the opposite.  As it turns out, the spicier the food, the less likely it is to spoil.

Fact: In addition to flavoring favorite foods and making many of us break a sweat while eating, spices have antimicrobial properties that work to make food safe for eating.  Certainly makes sense given the parts of the world known for the spiciest food.  Mexican, Thai, and Indian cuisine are among the worlds spiciest, and it is no coincidence that they are known for climates that a very hot and very humid.  In fact some of the most widely used spices in the world are grown primarily in India.

Fact: Things are truer when science shows up.  According to scientists at Cornell University “the same chemical compounds that protect the spiciest spice plants their natural enemies are at work today in foods from parts of the world where — before refrigeration — food-spoilage microbes were an even more serious threat to human health and survival than they are today.”  This is why “countries with hotter climates used spices more frequently than countries with cooler climates.”

Spice is not just a means of survival.  It is also a major part of world cultures.  How cool (bad pun) is it that some of the world’s most lively and vibrant cultures also have some of the spiciest food that was created partially out of a biological necessity?

While this doesn’t mean that spicier food is healthier, the insides of my stomach sure wouldn’t agree, it would explain why the diablo sauce on my breakfast tacos always manages to clear my sinuses.

Your Terrific Neighbors got together recently and actually had this 100% real conversation about All-Spice. They were just sitting around, watching The Celebrity Apprentice or whatever, and this is what transpired… word for word. (Luckily for us, they carry an active tape recorder around with them whenever they’re in each other’s company.)

Curtis: So what’s the deal with all-spice? Is it literally all the spices?
Courtney: I think so.
Joel: It’s “all” shit.
Curtis: Joel, thoughts?
Joel: Just gave you my thoughts.
Joel: Courtney?
Courtney: Have you ever had like…a quarter bottle of cardamom? And, like, an eighth bottle of oregano?
Curtis: Every day; what of it?
Joel: What is cardamom?
Courtney: It’s part of the ginger family
Joel: Ginger?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Like your hairs, Courtney.
Courtney: Yes, like my hairs, Joel. Well, so say you have these spices and you’re all:
“Why do I have all these containers!?”
Curtis: Right; I want to free up some containers.
Courtney: “I can just put them all in one container!”
Joel: Bingo! All-spice!
Curtis: This was especially important in the past, when people had fewer containers overall.
Because there was no store for them.
Joel: Before plastic was discovered
Courtney: Right.
Curtis: But wait!
Courtney: But then people became… fond of this “all” spice.
Joel: We discovered the original Container Store.
Curtis: Also, it turns out Courtney is lying.
Courtney: Righto, Joelyo.
Curtis: “Allspice, also called Jamaica pepper, pepper, myrtle pepper, pimenta,[1] or newspice, is a spice that is the dried unripe fruit (“berries”) of Pimenta dioica, a mid-canopy tree native to the Greater Antilles, southern Mexico, and Central America, now cultivated in many warm parts of the world.” That’s from Wikipedia, y’all.
Joel: Why are we talking about all spice?
Curtis: Also, “the name allspice was coined as early as 1621 by the English, who thought it combined the flavour of cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves.”
Courtney: That’s basically what I said.
Curtis: In 1621, they thought that cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves = all the spices.
Joel: Our link is cinnamon.
Curtis: That’s right, Joel. Now come over here, you big lug. (They begin copulating hard.)
Joel: (Pausing, distraught:) People in 1621 were idiots.
Curtis: (Touches Joel.)
Joel: Stay away from me, Curtis.
Courtney: (Soothes Joel.)
Joel: “I’m soothed.”
Curtis: (Makes Joel an all-spice tea.)
Joel: “Soothed with the all-spice of love.”

EL FIN.

No, but, like, WHY DO CATS GO NUTS over catnip? Like, they’re drooling and rolling around and acting all sexy times whenever they get near it. And it’s creepin’ me out.

I have two cats, and one of them doesn’t really care about catnip, but the other one will happily rip your throat out for just a sniff at the green goddess. It’s just another reason why I don’t trust my cats.

Catnip (Nepeta cataria) is an herb that comes from the mint family that contains a mild hallucinogen that, for some reason, only works on members of the feline family. It interacts with their vomeronasal organ and sets off the same chemical reaction that tomcat urine — that sweet aphrodisiac — does, sending them into writhing, giddy euphoria. Except catnip works on both sexes, so it’s like the great sexual equalizer for cats. (Basically, it’s the plant equivalent of Angelina Jolie for cats.)

Luckily, as wack-ass as your cat might act when she’s hitting the ‘Nip, they can’t O.D. on it. If they eat it, it’ll likely just put them to sleep. Dreaming of all the hot cat action they’re not getting after you so inhumanely neutered them, you cruel, careless giant that feeds them every day!

While you won’t find catnip in your pantry spice rack, it’s important to realize the contributions of the spice world (not THAT Spice World) from our slutty four-legged friends as well.

To Cats!

Disclaimer: the following is an anonymous submission to The Encyclopedia Show Austin concerning the topic of our next show on April 12th, 2012: PUNCTUATION. Some names have been changed in order to protect the innocent. Read at your own risk.

Hello Encyclopedians.

I’ll cut right to the chase and say it. I am a comma whore.

Now you might be asking yourself, what pray tell is a comma whore?

(Or more likely, you might be saying “Oh my god me TOO.”)

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a frequent offender of comma overuse. I, love, to, comma.

I can write sentences that go on for days in order to cram as many words as possible into what I consider an intelligent thought. It’s not that I don’t know where a comma is and isn’t suppose to go, it’s just that I suffer from a cleverly titled condition called, Comma Trauma.

Here is the website I went to find my diagnosis in the case that, you too need help:
http://www.precisionproofreading.com/commas.htm

I can’t help the fact that I like to live on the wild side. I like some pepper on my steak and some cinnamon on my ice cream. I wanna skip using mouthwash sometimes, and order a black coffee at Starbucks instead of a White Chocolate Mocha. I live for the thrill, and because of this I can’t stand to see sentences without some peppy punctuation. A sentence without a comma gives me anxiety.

Typing that sentence gave my anxiety. So did that one.

I digress…

Commas add joy to my writing, and I’d be a fool to turn down free joy. But I know that joy has it’s price, and improper use of punctuation is no laughing matter. I understand that I will never be able to live a free and happy life if I don’t break myself of this habit at once.

I have begun seeking treatment. It hasn’t been easy, but I hope that with perseverance, I will one day make a full recovery.

Until then, Encyclopedians, learn from my tale. Especially you, Sarah*.

*names have been changed

To learn more about other PUNCTUATION Problemz, mark your calendars for The Encyclopedia Show Austin’s PUNCTUATION show happening this Thursday, April 12th, at the ND@501 Studios. Doors open at 7:30pm and the show starts promptly at 8:13pm.

See y’all there!

Hey, y’all. Now that we’ve got that pesky lil’ SXSW out of our system, how about we get back into the swing of things and get excited for Austin DIY shows about learning and laughter? We’re ready for it, so I hope you’re ready for it too.

April 12th, we’re opening the doors back up at the ND for a punch-you-in-the-face amazing show with some of the biggest and brightest names in writing here in Austin! And what better show to have them join us than for a show all about PUNCTUATION!!!

You’re going to learn things you never knew about the symbols you use every day and about marks you didn’t even know you loved!

Leave it up to the Encyclopedia Show crew to show you the ins and outs of proper usage and signage. After all, we are the (faux) smartest kids on the block!

Come on out April 12th at 7:30pm at the ND@501 Studios. We can’t wait to see your faces again!!!

Hi, y’all!

It’s that time of year in Austin where our downtown explodes with creativity and hip looking “hairdos”: SXSW!

Sixth Street gets EVEN WORSE! YAAAAAY!!!

Interactive is bigger than ever, and more and more panels are geared toward teaching folks new storytelling techniques over new mediums. And we’ve made it our concentrated mission to go to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

Starting Friday, Mar 9, we’ll be camping out at the Austin Convention Center, just ticking down the hours until we get to meet some of our pop culture heroes like Rainn Wilson, Kevin Allison, Mike Birbiglia, Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate, Will Ferrell, the cast of Bob’s Burgers, Wayne White, Tom Collichio and OTHERS.

Will you be there celebrating AMERICA with us? Let’s go on a hunt for free food together! And learn more about digital storytelling and branding and comedy things! It’ll be so great.

You bring the umbrella, eh?

Great news in the literary world this week!

Our good friend, former host of 5 Things and contributor to the Encyclopedia Show: Explosives, Amelia Gray released her latest novel, THREATS, to the general populace. Now you can see how her funny, brilliant mind works in longer literary format as well!

We also signed up for an exciting in-kind partnership with our friends at BookWoman, Austin’s independent, all-inclusive feminist and LGBTQ bookstore located on North Lamar. Look for updates on their upcoming events in the months to come.

AND! They’ve got copies of Amelia’s books in stock! Go meet them and pick up your copy today! You’ll love it all, guaranteed!

Keep feeding your brains, y’all! See you soon!

We had a delightful trip to Pflugerville thanks to an amazing assemblage of contributors, a great sponsor and a wonderfully supportive audience. (There were even a grip of Pflugervillians in the house, and they DIDN’T EVEN WALK OUT!)

It was a surprisingly sexy evening, despite the quiet reputation of this sleepy suburb. We learned SO MUCH about people and things and feeeeeeeeelings thanks to our contributors: Michael Jastroch, Amy Gentry, Lesley Clayton, Nicole Lucas, Brendan K. O’Grady and Genevieve Van Cleve. We made so many jokes with silent ‘p’s in them! And no Pflugervillians even walked out!

Our sponsor, CultureMap, was also in the house, giving out free swag and handing out a special prize of 2 tickets to see John Leguizamo at The Paramount Theatre! It was our lucky winner, Kandace’s, first time at the show AND she’s a Pflugervillian AND she didn’t even walk out of the show!

The videos will soon be posted online. But until then, check out the videos from past shows from the past three seasons!

Thanks, Pflugerville!

Mike and Ralph went to Pflugerville this weekend and absolutely fell in love. Number one, there’s a coffee shop called Dazzle. Second, there’s a place called The Best Little Hair House in Texas. And best of all, you can see the football field where frickin’ Friday Night Lights was filmed.

Weirdly, Kyle Chandler was even there, just hanging out. It was like the best miracle two best friends could ever ask for. Thanks, Pflugerville!

See y’all at the show Thursday at the ND at 7:30pm! Drinks are on Mayor Jeff Coleman!!!

The great news for the month is: We got a sponsor for our Pfebruary Pflugerville show!

CultureMap Austin will be in the house for our next show with mountains of swag to give out to y’all! Get ready to be given stuff AND enjoy a great new show full of awesome contributors! We’re talking reusable, recycled grocery bags, pens, beer coozies and more!

We thought with February’s theme, it made a whole heap of sense partnering with a shiny new media source that keeps you up-to-date on events and places on the big ol’ State of Texas map. It’s a CultureMap…. get it?

So map your February 9th out for a great deal of learning, laughter and pfun as we head north to Pflugerville. But at the ND. (We’re only going to Pflugerville with our miiiiiinds.)

See you then! Happy Pf-V-Day!